Why I’m Doing This

11/19/18

As I sit in the Historical Society Library, draining the last bit of coffee from my grande Starbucks cup, I realize that a worrier (like me) should never drink this much coffee on an empty stomach.

Even though my mind is constantly bouncing from one thing to the next while I write this (due to the totally unneeded caffeine I just drank at 5:01 PM on a Monday night), I keep worrying about something bad happening and ruining my trip abroad.

What if I get super sick (as I have been known to do ever since my immune system has been shot from getting mono four years ago), and I don’t know how to communicate with any of my doctors in Italy? What if something horrible happens to any of my loved ones at home and I need to come back, will I be able to afford to do that? What if I lose my passport? I really don’t want to become the next Amanda Knox- what nickname would they make for me? (I’m half kidding on that last one).

Then, halfway through a spiral of what-ifs, I ask myself why I’m doing this. Why am I going abroad? Why am I leaving my comfortable life in Madison to go into a life of un-comfortability and unknowns?

This is what I have come up with so far:

  • Because Italy looks amazing
  • There will never be another opportunity like this
  • Every one of your friends that has studied abroad- and anyone that you have ever talked to about studying abroad has nothing but good things to say
  • What good does being scared do?
  • You will be taking classes that you are going to find so interesting that you probably won’t need to drink that grande coffee to stay awake for
  • You have always been able to handle challenges that life throws at you-even if it is hard in the moment
  • And to throw a cheesy quote in there- nothing good comes easily, nothing worth having comes out of comfortability

Sometimes it’s hard to stop yourself (aka myself) from worrying about the what ifs. The world is extremely scary, but only if I let it be. Yes, there are bad things in this world. Yes, there are bad people in this world. BUT, there are so many good people in this world too. Instead of focusing on what could go wrong and how it could go wrong, I’m going to do my absolute best to focus on what can go right, and to realize that there is no point in freaking out about the unknown, because that is all it is- the unknown… and that can be so exciting if I just allow it to be.

So, instead of worrying about all of the irrational things that could go wrong, I am going to get hyped up on my grande coffee about realistic things, like how I’m going to pack my life for 5 months into one bag. 😉

1/8/19

Well… it’s the night before I leave.

All I can say is that I’m definitely ready for this adventure.

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